This morning I was privileged to be awakened by a small, blonde fairy, who entreated me to look under my pillow, where I found this:
She explained to me that it was a picture of a violet, an ant, a bee, and the sun. Then the snuggly fairy leaped into my bed, pulled the purple sheets over our heads and said, “We live in a violet. A warm, happy violet.”
I love this violet we live in. I don’t ever want to leave.
Last night Lily and I watched a movie (together with our friend Mona) in which there is a scene where a man suddenly clutches his chest and collapses. Then there is a burial scene at a cemetery. Lily said, “What happened to the man?” I replied, “It looks like he had a heart attack and died.”
Tonight Lily and I were goofing around, blowing zerberts on each other, telling nonsensical jokes, pretending to snore, turning our fingers into “formiche” and saying “formichina, formichina!” (“little ant, little ant!”) while tickling each other. We were laughing raucously. After a while, Lily said, gazing at me lovingly, “I hope that you don’t die of a heart attack, like Grandpa Paul. I hope that you don’t die. I don’t want you to die.” I said, “I don’t want to die anytime soon, either. But all living things die. Listen, though: I’m not dead yet.” She was satisfied with that short exchange and went back to tickling me.
Now she’s in bed and I’m thinking of her beaming face, her soft little cheek that she presses against mine, her spring-loaded body that seems to elongate daily, her exuberant singing, and her endless fount of questions and commentary. “Mama, can we get some cream and whip it into whipped cream and put it on hot cocoa?” (Yes.) “Mama, can we make pizza?” (If you help me grind the grain.) “What’s the last number in the whole universe?” (There is no last number. Let’s talk about infinity.) “What’s this bone in the middle of my chest? and these bumps in my throat?” (Your sternum. The cartilage of your trachea. Thanks for getting your anatomy book; let’s look at these things together.)
We’re not dead yet.
We live in a violet, and we are together.
We dwell in grace.