Posted by: scintillatingspeck | May 15, 2008

First post. New blog. A bit scary.

Okay, what the heck was I thinking, setting up a new blog?!  I will have it be known that I am currently pinned to the customary chair by my sleeping 13-month-old child; that I have been pinned for several hours; that I had a long day at work, working through lunch; that I shared my work day with the child and the assistance of my beloved husband; that I am still sleep-deprived from the night before; and that I must be officially losing my mind to create a whole new way for me to fritter away time.

Whew.  Breathless disclaimer.  But in the spirit of the scintillating speck, I will honor that tendency to yelp and complain, and try to see through it to the creative force driving it.  As soon as I created this blog, my impulse was to call myself crazy and a waster of time.

The truth is, I have a lot to say.  The truth is, I think this format could work for me.  The truth is, I want to be heard.  The truth is, there was a time when I thought I was a writer.

I used to have a blog a few years back, which fizzled and died as a result of overly high expectations of myself.  I was not willing to appear foolish or ignorant.  I was not willing to be judged.  It didn’t work.  Not only did it not work for blogging, this unwillingness to reveal my frailties and mistakes, but it turns out it doesn’t work all that well in life.

Hence the name Scintillating Speck.  It is one of my tasks in this life to honor my mistakes and recognize my strengths.  And it is wrenchingly difficult.  So anytime you want to remind me to breathe and practice radical self-acceptance, feel free.

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Responses

  1. Jen this is beautiful. I can see why this is so valuable to you. You are a good writer and do have so much wonderful insight to share. I hereby remind you to breathe and practice radical self-acceptance. Accepting Jen Hartley is NOT a radical idea, however. You’re the best.
    c.

  2. Thanks, Carol. Your esteem means a lot to me.


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