Posted by: scintillatingspeck | October 25, 2012

I won’t settle.

I posted on Facebook last night:

“Giddy with being set free by the truth. I have a full heart. I don’t know what the future will bring, and I feel okay about that. I’m completely awake, here and now.

‘Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.’ -Howard Thurman  “

I’m still deep in the throes of metamorphosis.  It’s exactly what I need.  Some friends, disturbed by my recent writings, have written to me expressing their concern.  Friends, I appreciate you and your love.  Don’t be afraid.  I’m not killing myself.  I’m killing off pieces that are no longer useful to me.  I’m opening my heart and mind wide, wide, wide, seeing what’s there, seeing with eagle eyes.  I am being radically truthful to myself and to others near me.  I’ve been speaking words that I couldn’t allow into my conscious mind– those words are flying around my head like a flock of sparrows, released into the air, high on freedom.  I’m trusting, deeply, that everything is proceeding as it should.  Illusions of control are crashing and splintering on the ground– beyond the illusions there is jaw-dropping beauty and clarity.

I’m realizing that I won’t settle for anything less than being fully alive.  I won’t settle for deadening my senses in an effort to protect myself from my own fear.  I won’t settle for clinging to a set of ideas, or people, or places, or identities– I release them all.  In my relationships, I won’t settle for remaining silent about what I need.  I am taking the time to be still and get clear about what I need, and I’ve been speaking those needs aloud, and taking responsibility for them.  Nobody can just hand me what I need.  The most anyone can do is bear loving witness to me speaking the truth.  I have witnesses.  I’m stunned at my good fortune.  I am a witness myself to the truths of others, and ecstatic to be of service.

I won’t settle for the blanket of silence and lies that suffocatingly overlays this culture.  I won’t enable it.  I won’t be a party to this collective monstrosity of exploitation and abuse that is rampant in industrial civilization.  I won’t care what people think when I open my mouth or take what I consider to be right action.  I offer my strong support to others who feel the same way.

Love and kindness are the only barometer needed for right action, I am seeing.  Encompassing everything and everyone in that love and kindness, myself, those around me, humanity, other species– it’s driving my decision-making.  What would be most kind for all concerned?  What looks like kindness, but isn’t really kindness?  What information is needed to act?  These questions are guiding me on a path I’ve never taken before.  I’m a bit breathless.

You, reader, are bearing witness to me now, and it’s a balm.  This is my wish for you:  May you speak the truth to yourself and all those around you.  May you be fully alive, right this minute,  every minute.  May you have peace, knowing that you are acting with utmost integrity, regardless of outcome.

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Responses

  1. I think the alchemists called that ‘calcification’ 🙂


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