Posted by: scintillatingspeck | May 24, 2013

Kid fears.

Today, in an effort to resist my Facebook addiction, I deliberately logged off and busied myself with other tasks, mostly involving my hands.  This does not seem like a very remarkable action, I know.  But something was lying in wait for me, in the quiet that resulted.  A friend of mine, in response to my posting that I was going off of Facebook for a while, replied, “Silence has a lot to say.”  She was right.  I got an earful.

What did Silence tell me?

She came to me in the garden, her hand on my shoulder, and whispered, Don’t be afraid of the spaces between words.  You can rest here, think a while.  You won’t lose momentum.  You won’t cease to exist.  You won’t be forgotten.

Silence sat back on her haunches as the demon du jour roared in to have his say.  Yes, scurry off into your corner, fraidy-cat!  In your solitary garden, in your solitary kitchen, in your solitary mind… nobody will find you.  Nobody.  You have never belonged anywhere, you will never be understood, and you are strange and insane.  Descend into that pit of withdrawal and loneliness, again, cling to the empty core of it the way those baby monkeys clung to false mothers made of cloth, desperately seeking elusive, essential warmth and acceptance.  You won’t ever get what you need.  And you have nothing to give.

And…. BAM… Silence is standing on the neck of the demon, her eyes urgent.  Don’t listen to him.  You know it’s your kid fears.  You’re stronger than him.  She points to the robin in the cherry tree, the riotous dandelions, the faces held in memory.  All your relations.  You are not separate.  She takes me by the hand, sits me down in her lap, cradles me, and holds me while the tears roll.

Enough enough enough.

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Responses

  1. One for the good guys! Love you.


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