Posted by: scintillatingspeck | July 6, 2013

Finding what I need.

In the 90-something-degree humid heat, my brain has been melting a bit.  With an expanse of time alone today, I found myself sitting in my house, sweating, bewildered, mentally flailing for a foothold on the sheer face of the afternoon.  I could make a list, I surmised.  I could dive into a task.  I could fritter away time, feeling distinctly unproductive.  I wasn’t sure what to do.  Then I knew: I’ll write about it on Facebook, and ask for encouraging words.

It turns out that this was precisely what I needed.  Remember in my last post, how I was contemplating writing about social media and how it benefits me and others, how we shape it to fit our needs?  I’m ready to write about that, now.

What I’ve done with Facebook, see, is use it to cut through the dross, to open my vulnerable heart, to communicate deeply and honestly, and most importantly, to engage in dialogue.  I use this blog in all those ways, too, and I appreciate this format for the purpose of posting longer essays and poems, as well as providing a chronological archive of some of my writings.  However, I’ve been continually stunned and deeply grateful for the connections that social media has enabled.  Once I made the decision to “friend” those who are “strangers,” usually based on viewing their posts in discussion groups or on mutual friends’ threads, a most surprising and beautiful thing happened.  I could no longer maintain a belief in “strangers.”  Of course, most people, including me, have boundaries in relationships, and I’m not advocating a blind leap into sudden emotional intimacy, but, but…. that’s it, though, that’s what I caught sight of, that potential, that realized miracle of intimacy, that mutual crafting of trust that is built on stories and kind attention.  I don’t think social media like Facebook are for everyone; there are plenty of people I know who shun it, primarily because it doesn’t suit their personality and communication style.  But people like me?  We gravitate there, fascinated, thirsty, in love with words and worlds, wanting to hear and be heard, seeking comfort, seeking stimulation, seeking art and life and understanding.  It’s not lost on me that so many of my Facebook friends are often introverts who crave meaningful connection, writers and artists and musicians and others with a deep, creative drive, people who are profoundly connected with Earth and the community of life, people who question the assumptions in which most of us have marinated all our lives, people who need to gather around campfires, no matter how far-flung and seemingly-imaginary, to bask in warmth and the essential work/play of storytelling.

When I posted on Facebook earlier about my sense of flailing, sweating, not knowing what to do, a brand new friend, Lynn, responded immediately, and her response touched me deeply.  She suggested going to Source (as I would put it- others might say divine spirit, God, etc.) and asking, what now, what do I need to know, and when do I need to know it?  and coming up with ideas, and then surrendering it all to that guidance.  It rang true, and her timing was fortunate and perfect, and the words have stayed with me for hours, now.  How can this simple and beautiful exchange be considered frivolous, simply because of the medium it occurred in?  How could it be considered coincidence?

What did I do with these words, this kind hand on my shoulder?  It became all the kindnesses I’ve received of late, all the comfort, all the holding close, all the being set free to fly, all of my loves surrounding me in a beaming circle.  It became the motion of my body on a bicycle, on the shaded bike path from Florence to Northampton, located in space and time, with my heart shouting THIS THIS THIS is what I needed, this sensory feast, this glory of summer green and flowers, this breeze on my face, this stopping to pick black raspberries, this making contact with the sensual world, tears and gratitude streaming, my body alive in every way, charged with the eros of integrated sense and soul.

It’s nothing short of amazing to seek and ask for what one needs, and to offer what one has to fulfill the needs of others.  May we keep doing that, loves: keep practicing, keep discerning, keep giving, keep receiving.



  1. Well done, old friend– you put the Heart in Hartley once again.

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