Posted by: scintillatingspeck | August 5, 2013

Keep burning.

I had a dream last night.  I was speaking words of love, and poking at a fire with a stick.  The stick was transforming before my eyes, twisting and changing shape, the outer bark getting burned away, the inner core remaining.

Anxiety, these days, has been leaping out from behind corners, startling me, and vining insidiously between the floorboards, attempting to trip me.  There’s much beauty and astonishing joy, as well, but it makes perfect sense to me that I’m anxious lately, and that others are, too.

Anxiety can be a clarion call to action, an insistent message that something needs to change.  It’s also a frequent companion to the very process of change, the uncomfortable burning away of that which was familiar, the revelations and unfoldings and blossomings that can be so exceedingly good, so fruitful and needed, and yet the immersion into growth and transformation can be mighty destabilizing indeed.

We tend to cling to what is established and familiar; we seek a sense of security, sure footing, level-headedness.  Beyond that familiar horizon, what unseen dangers lurk?  What do we fear losing?

Change is what we are made of, though.  We are fire, water, earth, and air.  Our ultimate anchor need not be an anchor, but the sea itself.  We can burn and release into the sky.  We can’t help it, can’t stop it.  We can know that even the ground under our feet, the solid mountains, the rocks, are in constant dynamic motion.  It doesn’t seem to totally erase that hard-wired impulse to feel anxiety and fear in the face of change, but there are some elixirs to address that, too: comforting arms, the balm of love, the direct gaze, the breeze in one’s hair, the rising sun, the deep breath.

What I wish for you, loves, and for me, is trust in our own ability to learn, trust in our ever-shifting forms, trust in the natural patterns in which we are embedded.

Hold my hand.
Burn with me.
Ride the waves with me.
Here we go, transforming and flourishing, inhaling and exhaling our shaky, ecstatic breaths.
Close your eyes.
Feel, in your bones, how much I love you.

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