Finding myself in need of a pep talk, I realized I had better create my own, and in the interest of sharing, I’m doing it here.
OK, I’m floundering a bit, the tasks to be done seem too many to contemplate, thoughts and feelings are elbowing each other out of the way, demanding attention, and the only other live human nearby is a 6-year-old utterly absorbed in watching “Sid the Science Kid” on PBSKids.org.
Really, it could be so much worse, and life is unbelievably sweet.
Here I was, thinking I would come up with a fabulous plan of attack, some grand scheme for getting organized, for getting a grip, for quelling my low rumblings of anxiety. I thought I would start listing tasks, or coming up with a schedule, or firmly telling myself to boot myself off of the internet. Surely there is no time to be frittered.
Instead, where is my mind taking me, joyously, unstoppably? Through some miracle, it’s bringing me here, now. We’ve eaten good food this morning; my child is alive, healthy, in good spirits, curious, and full of love, and so am I; we have everything we need. It’s an ecstatic feeling. What’s happened to me? Where is the old glass-half-empty lass of yore?
Is this just another trick of my mind to keep me from getting things done? Too blissed out to sweep the floor?
I’ll keep it brief, loves. I’ll note this miracle. I’ll stop at intervals throughout the day, continually noting the miracles caressing me like a lover’s hands, every moment, if I just direct my attention to that sweetness. I’ll make the lists, sweep the floor, gradually feel my way into the schedule that is coalescing. I’ll do it with joy in my own capacity to get things done. Ahhh, I have a brain, a capable one, and a body ready for work and play. I have senses and imagination and memory to delight in.
My priorities are clear.