Posted by: scintillatingspeck | October 22, 2013

Embodiment.

This morning I went running for the second day in a row.  I dropped Lily off at her homeschool program at the Hitchcock Center for the Environment and went to Groff Park, where I took a deep breath, donned my running gear, and set off down the path along the river.

As I ran, I listened to my own hard breathing, felt the impact of each step in my thighs, listened to the internal force of self-love that urged, keep going, going, going.  That’s all.  One step and then another.  Follow the river.  The metaphors piled up in my mind and I ushered them out with each exhalation.  Be here.  Observe the river.  Observe the milkweed, the meadow, the path that’s now packed dirt, now mud, now sand.  Feel the tree roots beneath your feet.  Feel the sweat trickling down your temples, down your back.

15 years ago, I was living in a somewhat disheveled apartment in Brookline, Massachusetts with four roommates.  I was at the tail end of my first master’s degree program (in gender/cultural studies) at Simmons College.  One day I found a newsletter on the floor in the hallway, and in it there was a description of a workshop called Becoming Safely Embodied, led by social worker Deirdre Fay.  This captured my attention.  That’s what I want, I thought to myself.  I want to be in my body.  I want to feel real.  And I want to do it without falling to pieces.  I signed up.  It was worth it.  It stays with me, even today.  It wasn’t a one-time “fix,” but it introduced me to some practices that I could carry with me.

I hadn’t realized that Deirdre had a blog.  I was just looking at it, and was struck by an entry, Really.  We can rewire our brains.  Really?  Really.  Okay.  Then that’s what I’ll do, am doing.  I know I’ve been doing it, slowly, over time, in bursts; now I have even more momentum, I believe, to undertake the rewiring in earnest.

It’s a bit disconcerting to contemplate the influence of social media on my own embodiment or disembodiment.  That sense of wanting to be in my body and wanting to feel real hasn’t waned; if anything, it has intensified over time, manifesting in a passionate quest for authenticity, meaning, union with nature, sexual union, groundedness in earth, food, love, community, beauty.  Social media (Facebook,  my blog, others’ blogs, the pixelated landscape of ethereal relationship) has had a big influence on me, and I’m beginning to come to grips with the role I want such media to take in my life.  I want my writing and relating to lead to more embodiment, not less.  I need to discern how and when to best use these tools to foster a joyful, connected existence.

Fortunately, my body accompanies me wherever I go, and the world remains tangible, if I just reach out and touch it.  I invite you to touch it with me.

 

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Responses

  1. Really glad the becoming safely embodied skills have given you tools that support your life. Fifteen years ago. Wow. Those were the early years. I am humbled.

    I love where your passion to be present and embodied is taking you.
    Deirdre


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