Posted by: scintillatingspeck | March 9, 2014

The bend in the river.

I suppose it would be the right thing to do to write an upbeat, celebratory post right now about how my Kickstarter campaign succeeded, how the cross-country quest is most definitely happening, how my book Scattered Sanctum will most definitely be written.  All of that is true.  It’s true that a whole posse of people came together to fund and spread the word about this project.  It’s true that I’ve received more support and encouragement than I imagined possible, to the point of leaving me stunned.  It’s true that I’m grateful, and I’m so looking forward to preparing a post very soon, here on this blog, in which I acknowledge people by name for their support.  It’s true that preparations of all sorts are underway.

Nevertheless, o cherished readers whom I recognize as not separate from me, nevertheless, loves, nevertheless— my heart is sore as sore can be.  And here is my little sacred space, this corner of Indra’s web, and I would desecrate it if I didn’t abide to my commitment to myself: to give myself a voice, to speak with integrity, to honor the emotions, intuitions, realizations, and creations that wash over and through me, whatever they may be.

And right now, where I am in this grand river of existence is a sharp bend, around which I cannot see.  My tenderness is in a little boat, fearful of whitewater, but committed to the inexorable current.  There is pain and light etched into my awareness, and a stone in my pocket, something to hold.  This bend in the river was looming and looming, and finally the current brought me here.

Forgive me if I haven’t fished the necessary words out of the roiling water yet.  They may yet flop into the boat, gasping.

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Responses

  1. blessings, jen, for your willingness to be real, and elegantly real.

  2. How are you getting your book published?

    • I’ll be self-publishing, Jamie. I’ll be evaluating my options more thoroughly a bit later on.


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