Posted by: scintillatingspeck | October 23, 2015

Bloggish and Facebookish thoughts.

I want to re-train myself to use this blog in a new way.  I’m trying to get over the idea that if I write something here, it must be a minimum length or have a certain substance to it.  If I post here in lieu of using Facebook, do I get to write in a way that’s similar to a status update?  I mean, why not?  Why should it have to be All Official-Like?  (As if anything I write is official-like?)  I guess the fact that each blog post requires a title leads me to think it should be more cohesive?  Why is it easier on Facebook to take only a few minutes to write something and let it be a tiny crumb of verbiage?  Is it because it will quickly fall down the scrolling pile and be forgotten, unlike a blog post, which will be enshrined in my archive here until/unless I delete it?  (I’ve never deleted a blog post, incidentally—it feels important to me to leave these posts as they are, even if they bug me, even if I change, even if I could hone my appearance to be more sanitized or less unhinged, even if I vacillate about how much self-revelatory information I want to share.)

How much time do I have to put into a blog post to make it A Real and Acceptable Thing?  Who gets to decide?  Is this yet more practice for me to dismantle my own expectations and anxieties around Almighty Achievement?  Um, yeah, babe.  (That was Inner Wise Woman responding.)

I can be okay with this.  Really.  I have some fear that I won’t get much response here, that it won’t help me to feel heard and understood and connected to others.  Facebook has long been an unwieldy attempt for me to get certain needs met, and it doesn’t meet many of them well, or at all.   I want to change that.  I certainly don’t want to lose the friends I’ve met through Facebook—I’m profoundly grateful that that medium brought me to know people who are dear to me.  I’ve met people whom I never would have met otherwise.  Some of them have completely changed my life.  But Facebook is bringing me down, people, on the whole.  Too much has been bringing me down.  I need to do whatever I can to reverse that trend.

I’ll be cross-posting this to Facebook via a Sharer doohickey on my menu bar—what this means is I’ll be posting the link to Facebook without actually going to FacebookLand myself, because I want to be seen/heard AND not get sucked into patterns that aren’t serving me well.  (I might try to write in more depth about that.)  I don’t especially want to feel cut off from my peeps.  But be aware, peeps, that if you comment on Facebook, I won’t be seeing it, because I’m not there and get precisely zero email notifications.  If you want to communicate with me, you can comment on this blog, or email me (scintillatingspeck at gmail dot com).  Or, even better, come knock on my door, come visit, or propose some crazy road trip we do together, or where we meet halfway.

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Responses

  1. I’m enjoying your blog, Jennifer. The last two posts have echoed some of my thoughts about Facebook and blogging. I left the Facebook scene over three months ago, partly because of its authoritarian demand that I provide it with my “authentic” identity (actually that was just the catalyst), partly because I wasn’t satisfied with the the way it structures communication and limits its possibilities, and partly because I was getting worn out by its frenetic pace. I, too, decided to focus on communicating through my blog. It’s obvious how that’s turning out. But that’s okay. I’ll get back into it when I feel like it.

    Instead, I’ve been focusing my attention more on my novel and on doing some research for an opinion piece I want to write. I also daydream a lot, and go out and walk through the autumn leaves—quite spectacular this year. I’m learning more about photography, computer technology, and self-publishing. All at a very slow, peaceful pace. Once in a while I get an email from a Facebook friend, and it’s nice to know I’m not completely forgotten. But more important to me, in terms of experiencing a real sense of connection, are the women in my small circle of friends. Our occasional pot-lucks, sitting around a table for hours talking about anything and everything, nurture trust and affection that allow us to discuss issues without anyone feeling threatened or offended by another’s differing perspective.

    Are you finding your life more peaceful since you’re not doing Facebook?

    • It’s good to hear about how things are going for you, Feral. I feel more peaceful just reading about how unpressured and unfrenetic you are. Daydreaming is really important to me, too, as is a sense of real connection with others.

      I don’t think I’ve been off of Facebook long enough to feel entirely “released” yet— the noise in my head is a little quieter, and I’m trying to do other things to decrease my anxiety, but I still do an inordinate amount of worrying about people “there.” With previous experiments in taking breaks from Facebook, I think I know what to expect, mostly; I worry that I’ll be forgotten, that some people will feel I’ve given them the cold shoulder, that it will damage relationships. The fact that a single social medium can hold such sway over my perceptions of relationship is troubling to me. I want to believe that I and others I know on Facebook will reach out with other methods, such as email, but it rarely happens (although I treasure the exceptions). I need to confront the fact that close, in-person connections are hard for me to find and maintain.

  2. Just dropping in to say hi. Not even sure why. Connecting the dots.

  3. Keeping up with you, Jen, by reading here – so you know. I will respond more in depth when I feel moved to do so. I’m glad you’re trying something new, since you found that what you were doing wasn’t working well for you.

  4. 🙂 Good Luck with your new plan !!

  5. Thanks for making your blog available over on FB.
    This one might get me to overcome my amotivationality and set up a blog myself. I admit that I enjoy writing for facebook friends, though. I probably wouldn’t bother, were I writing just for myself.

    • I would be very excited to read your blog, Randle! I miss “seeing” you.


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