Posted by: scintillatingspeck | October 27, 2015

Processing anger about social media.

I’m trying to be patient with myself while all this disturbing crap comes up for me about Facebook and distorted relating.  I’ve been off of Facebook for several days (4? 5?) and I must be in the throes of some sort of detox, I guess.  Questions come up for me again and again—does it make sense for me to continue sharing my blog posts via the Sharer thingamajig, which allows me to post the links on Facebook without logging in?  Does this help me keep connected somehow?  Or is it actually eroding my sense of connection by providing people over on Facebook a simulacrum of my presence?  Do people realize that I’m not spending time on Facebook?  Do they even care?  How many of my connections on Facebook are very superficial?  Why bother even keeping a profile there?  What would be the implications of my canceling my account?  Would I then cease to exist to other people?  Is it stupid of me to want more feedback, more conversation?  Who do I think I am, wanting such things?

I might try disabling my account on Facebook, for a time, just to find out what it feels like.  I predict that the vast majority of people I’m connected with there would never bother to contact me in some other way.  I’m trying not to take it personally—why should I matter to them, anyway?  And is it their fault that so many human relationships have been so deeply thwarted?  And how much am I trying to duck my own responsibility for reaching out to others?  This is ordinarily where I start to go into a spiral of shame, feeling broken and wrong for not being able to maintain what I think of as healthy, ongoing connections, but really, I know a lot of us are caught in the same mire.

What makes me think that moving away from Facebook and transferring my attention to this blog will help?  Maybe the blog is also an unhealthy simulacrum of presence.  Maybe all writing is.  Maybe I am fooling myself, thinking anyone is reading this.

I feel angry and cheated, mostly, that I seem to have found myself in a time and place where human relating is so difficult.  Unless it’s just me?  Unless I’m the one who is impaired?  I don’t doubt that I’m impaired, but where did it start, and where does it end?  What can I change?  What story is this, and can I start telling a different one?



  1. Jen, those who love you, will seek you out, and you them.

    There are no simple answers.

    If your love matters, your words matter as well, your writing is an expression of your arms held open.

    Keep that door open, so you may be found. I’m so glad your heart longs to love.

    • Thanks, John. Sometimes there are no simple answers, and sometimes there is just sitting quietly in silence, which is kind of an answer in itself. Thanks for seeking me out and listening to my heart.

  2. I follow your blog as well as clicking through from fb, so I can look forward to hearing your voice. The superficiality of Facebook suits me, in a funny way… Not saying it’s always healthy, by any means, or that it isn’t a timesuck. So as always, your mileage may vary, and I know you have big stuff to deal with and think about. I liked the independent learning post a lot… How far you have come since you started on that path. You know what you’re doing and why. So I’ll keep reading. Hugs!

    • Thanks, Carolyn. It’s good to read your words. Big hugs to you as well.

  3. It’s not just you! I’m lonely, too, Jen & I don’t know what the answer is or why it is so difficult to find human connection. Please don’t shame yourself- we all need feedback and validation! Social media is a strange beast & I haven’t really figured out what to do with it, either, but it has brought people like you into my life, so it can’t be all bad. Much love to you.

    • It’s true, Heather—I wouldn’t have your friendship in my life without the infernal device. I wish we lived close to each other. I miss you. I think about you and your kids frequently.

  4. You are right about every single bit of it. Our world today is ALL of that. I am struggling with the notion of what it means to have ‘relationships’ with people on other continents I will most likely never get to meet in the flesh. ALso struggling with how much I seem to loathe all the humans (with a few fabulous exceptions) in my actual physical space. FB went to a new low of toxic surveillance, disempowerment, manipulation, and violence today. I am probably going to force myself to leave facebook in the same way I forced myself to leave America. I will let you know where I am when I go. And perhaps we’ll both have an awesome third eye opening and we can just converse, telepathically, through the aether. That wouldn’t be a simulacrum of anything, but an evolution! Much love to you and those creatures in your home.

    • I’m glad you will keep me posted regarding your whereabouts, Kim. And I will hold out for the third eye opening. I hear your deep frustration. I’m grateful for the ethereal connection that we have; I know it’s as real as anything, despite the severe lack of proximity. Sometimes I try to comfort myself by telling myself that our perceptions of space and time are illusions. I’m pretty sure they are, but that doesn’t take away the pain of perceived separation.

  5. Oh yeah, and the fb algo is so heinously stuffed that many people will probably never ever ever be shown your posts from the sharing thingy. THIS IS REAL. Please use it to remind yourself against taking any lack of response via facebook personally.

    • (sigh.) I’m sure you’re right.
      I guess the most that I can hope for is that a smattering of specks will see my speckishness and speck with me for the span of a speck.

  6. Your words matter to me.

  7. I don’t often respond because I think my comments would begin to sound insipid. After every post you write, I want to say, “Nice writing!” or “Well done!” or “Wow, I totally get where you are coming from!” But then I don’t, because I don’t think my comments will pass muster, compared to your writing. Which is a dumb thing to be worried about, but still. See, you’re not the only perfectionist!

    • You have no idea how much I appreciate every comment. Thanks for commenting this time. I wish you gentleness towards yourself; yes, I get it about being a perfectionist.

  8. I LOVE YOU. I deactivated my fb account yesterday in a fit of annoyance over patriarchy, bullying, and my sense that only the most evil mofos will survive post-collapse. So I’m doing something similar. But there you are in my e-mail RSS under ‘Doomers’ and I see this headline (which I have read before) and I SMILE BIG. I AM NOT ALONE. I think there are multiple issues with facebook, and then other issues with social networking in general. As someone who is a semi/quasi/wtfuwantocallit whistleblower about ‘science’ I really don’t like using my name. Fb has made me feel tremendously vulnerable for censorship because of not using my name. So I’m going to go look around. But, as you can see you are in my computer elsewhere and I am really glad you are there. Let’s see what happens. Isolation sucks. Children and animals help. We are doing our best. Being awake counts heaps in my book, and the alternative which might make ‘relating’ easier is being asleep. Not an option for righteous broads like us. Smooches across the ether, oceans, and miles. Love, Phorus/Kim

    • Kim, you righteous broad—I love you, too. Thank you for keeping me updated on your ethereal whereabouts. YES, THERE ARE ISSUES. I have been doing a lot of thinking about the issues, and emotional processing. And yes, we are doing our best. And yes, children and animals help. Smooches received and reciprocated. I hope you have seen some of my other more recent posts on this blog, too. I don’t know what anyone sees or cares about, anymore.

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